Gears of Bohner's Creed: The Dark Descent
by Evil Albino Duck Monkey
Summary: A serious tale about the importance of being true to the source material.


Shrek looked out over Equstria, viewing the views of ponies humping bunnies. He licked his lips and he gripped his taco firmly. Shadow, nearby swinging in tree with sneaking, noticed and was immediately turned on.

Shrek, let me show you why I am ultimate" Shadow whispered.

"WHAT IS THAT." Shrek shout with fury at peeper toms. His taco died and cried out with many pains. Shadow fell immediately from branch, hitting boner on the way downwards. Shrek looking at Shadow with many surprises and asked in sexy ogre voice "WHO DAFUQ R U."

Then Neil Patrick Harris emerged from the shadow and with a whimsicle tone he stated: "I am your guardian angel who occasionally molests you at night".

"OOOOH THAT WAS YOU? I THOUGHT DONKEY WAS COMING ON TO ME AGAIN. LAST NIGHT I RESPONDED BACK WITH A SLIMY DILDO AND A SHARP ROCK. I GUESS I OWE YOU THAT ONE." Shrek winked at Neil and licking his green, plump lips.

"Shrek, I must confess, I have CANCIPHILAIDS" Shadow cried with angst. "I wont lose you like I lost my lover, Pikachu."

Just then a giant phalluses burst from star sky thing and a sexy alien man erupted from it with power and eroticism. Now Shadow was not the only dirty little monkey with towering boner beams because the whole world had gotten bonerses.

"I AM GARRUS VAKARIAN AND THIS IS MY FAVORITE NEIL PATRICK HARRIS ON THE CITADEL," the shimmering alien man shouted as he started flapping around the angel with boneriffic good lookings with the distinct gleam of mating intentions in his eyes. Just then Shrek's sobbing reproduction stick broke through a nearby oak tree with a Pidgey, killing him with steamy butt juice in eye sockets.

"But Garbus," said the ever so lovely Neil with the force, "I am not the Neil you're looking for"

"Damn whore" Garrus said to himself with disappointment " I should go-"

"NO!" Shadow "I saw your face and my big…BLACK…. chaos speare couldn't control itself, I need a doctor" as he moaned.

"Well well, that sounds good…very good indeed…", a dark voice was heard from the corner. It sounded like he was orgasming every word. It was Dr. Robotnik in his skin tight red suit with a bohner just waiting to burst. "I'll fix your 'problem' on one condition. You have a near perfect specimen Shadow, and it'll only be perfect if it's….roboticized."

"I CAN'T CONTINUE WATCHING THIS!" cried the interruption of some British guy. That British guy turned out to be The Doctor. "If this continues, the Daleks will destroy the world with the power of dat furry's robotic monstrosity."

"That's not true," says Shadow in a very Mark Hammill way, "THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE! My big….BLACK….techno-dick will save man and smurf kind!"

"ALL THIS TALK OF MANHOODWINKIES IS MAKIN' ME WANNA SCRATCH MAH LEFT NUTSACK." Cried Shrek as he joined Garbus in his mating movementings.

Zombie Pidgey hopped out of the steaming tree hole and joined in the Black Mamba. Neil Patrick Harris looked on with much approvings.

Garrus looked at Ivo…or Julian….or whatever the hell Robotnik's first name is with seriousness,

"I volunteer. For the sake of the glalxy I'll sacrifice my Turian pride" Garbus said wif ever raging boner.

"No!" said Katniss, as she shot Zombie Pidgey in its zombie bird face. "I VOLUNTEER! I don't want my sibring to dieeeee~!" she said with a intense Takeian accent. "YOU DISHONUR MY FAMUR-RE~!" she exclaimated, words not matching the moments of her mouth. Out of nowhere, A QUIVERING MEMBER ESCAPED FROM UNDER HER DRESS!

Batman gasped.

All of a suddenly, the Powers of Many Cameo Boners compelled the Equstria's cliffsides, sending our brave heroeses into the Pit of Harry Pooper.

They awoke with much woosiness in their brain areas. It was dark and British-y where they had landed on their still towering sexbatons to break the fall of many. A weeping winky willow stood on the ground place nearby, listening to many sounds of the Linkin Park species.

"WHERE ARE WE. PONIES DO NOT BE IN MY VISION." Shouted Shrek with volume. "WE SHOULD BE ON OUR TOES. AND OUR DICKSTICKS."

"HAI~" Said Katniss-kun with teeth bitings. HeShe took the chance to dishonor her famure just once and grabbed fast holdings of Garbus-chan with the mockings of fear and dark-place-being-in.

Now in the mysteriousness realm of the Harry Pooper, the confused protagonists looked around seeing a glowing portal erupting from Katniss-kun's new enhanced Kamehame-Hadouken robotic stickcanoe, peering into a steamy scene of life being born from the best actors ever pooped out by slimy crevices.

"OWIE! THIS ROBOT LASER IS CHAFFING FROM THE PLEATHER! And I don't think this is a magic wand touching me."

"My WANKERJAY is the magic wand!" said the voice of Professor Snape as he dressed in his best Boku No Pico Cosplay.

From the insane amount of actoring auras in the presence of the Declaration of Equstria, Alan Rickmanman and Nic Cage could not stop their bodies from melding into a dickball of wombiness to create the ultimate.

Babby Cerbuttrus was born, possessing the three knowledgeableful heads of Katy Perry, Christopher Walken, and Kanye West on a velociraptors well-edowedness. Super Kawaii Kanye-chan tried desperately to put his tongue in Walken-sama-kun's earholes.

" You know Super Kawaii Kanye-chan never sexual molests meeee!" said Katy Perry "And I spill ponies and shoot firwaorks out of triple mounted bewbie cannons of super super kawaiines"

Batman gasped again.

"THESE ONION LAYERS IS TOO KAWAII FOR MY OGRE BLOOD." Whispered Shrek with many failings. Shadow was now attached to him by the penis, for the portal did strange things to their Bohner Energy.

A stray bolt of Thespiando magic shot from the ball of Rickmanman and Cage. It hit Garbus in the netherworld and sent him swirling through the sky with grace of actoring. Slowlier, the visions of the Curse of the Desu started to fade away from the rooms.

Neil Patrick Harris yawned with much boredom and fluttered off into the north, where the realm of Androny dwelled with rainbows and much more Linkin Parks.

The heroses heads started to feel like bad hangover from falling far and the glorious vision of Cerbuttrus went away. Then a giant fart shot a lightning bolt from the sky, striking our young heroes in their favorite spots.

In a flurry of white and red and blue, the were sent careening into the Whomping Willy, which grew angry from how American everything was and delivered a series of wimpy whomps so as to get back to making tears for Crawling in my Skins.

Then everything was dark and stuff.


End file.
